I thought I would never have to say/do this...

I may have to put someone up on harassment charges.
We rented - to - own our house to this couple, which we had a gut feeling in the being that it may be a mistake ( we didn't know them so that wasn't the reason) well we paid the property and water tax up to the date they moved in, and they were suppose to take care of it after that, as was the verbal agreement, (that was in June) in August I get a call from her saying that her water was shut off, and me being the push over I am, we ended up loaning them the money to pay it for them for the rest of the year ( not that we could afford it mind you) And they were suppose to pay us back, when in Sept. we didn't get a payment we knew we would never see that money again. Then the 1st of Nov. we get a call from them saying they were moving out in a few days!! And wanted the rent back!! I call the social assistance place ( that is who paid us the rent) to figure out how much we needed to give back, according to one guy ( I need to remember to write ppls names down) we did not owe them anything because they had not given us 30 days notice. While later I was actually talking with their social worker, and she was a tad rude she basically said she didn't care what was going on? Huh shouldn't you care that the ppl you give a cheque to each week are screwing you over as well.
Well anyway, we finally agreed to 350$ to go back, no way they were budging on giving us back the money we loaned them mind you. And we and they signed a letter stating the money and stuff that needs to stay in the house.and the date they needed to be out by, The date went by and we waited 4 days (with a lot of harassment calls in between this for more money) we went and changed the locks. They had to scedule a time with me to get the rest of their stuff, so it should be no big deal anymore, it should be done. They are still calling!!! And even at 7:30 in the morning!!! The cop I was talking to told me once their stuff was out and if they kept calling I could charge them with harassment which I got a feeling I may have to. Ever time my phone rings my stomach goes into knots, wondering what crap they are going to get on with this time. Urgh!!!!!

Should baby make 4 (well technically 6 I guess)

* Warning this may hurt a MAN's eyes. Woman only. :) *

I have been going back and forth on this idea of trying for another baby. I am not sure. When it is only me and Toby in the house it seems like there should be another child. But when we have the SS's here there are 5 of us and it seems like to many people.
And I would really really really like a girl. But I think I would be heartbroken if it turned out to be another boy, and BF doesn't have a good track record for making girls he has 3 boys right now, so what are the chances for it to be a girl this time??
Is there any way to "make" a certain gender??? I read somewhere that if you douche with such and such it makes for either a girl or boy, something to do with making the uterus more acidic or something. Sorry to say I am not douching with anything. TMI???
Should I just say ok lets try and it doesn't matter what the child will be as long as it is healthy. I know that is how I should feel, but I don't I want a girl, but I know if it did happen and it was a boy I would love him anyway.
Oh I don't know. I think I have been feeling like wanting another cause I always said that by the time Toby was 3 I would have my mind made up or would have another child by then, well the deadline for that is TOMORROW!! can you believe he will be 3 tomorrow. Man those years went by real fast.
We are having a little celebration tomorrow, nothing big just a cake and some presents from family and stuff. The next Sunday we are having a big party for him. I say we but I really mean ME, I have been doing everything for the party, I guess like most moms. The bf will be there at the party to help out a bit ( cause I have given him no choice. hehe) but as for the planning and preparing *pfft* it's all me, is everyone else like that when it comes to planning parties and stuff for their kids it is usually the mom's job???
Better go and see what Toby is up to now. He is too quiet. Not good sign.

I'm not dead... well wish I was at times and the goose.

I just noticed the last time I wrote on here was June 3. Oops. I haven't written because to be honest there wasn't much to write about.
Had a fairly crappy summer, weather sucked stayed at home with no vacation. And have been feeling like crap off and on all summer. I am now suffering from Nausea and headache since Wednesday, no matter what I eat it turns my stomach. No idea what it is, I guess if it keeps up I will have to go to the doc.
My mother has given up driving so I have been her chauffeur lately which I don't mind, I would rather do that then her feel like she needs to drive. She has an appointment in Oct. (which will not come quick enough) she has seizures and they are not sure why, hello it has been 10 years someone needs to figure out something. I worry about her constantly. Last Friday I went to pick her up like I normally do, and she was in the window waving for me to come in, I go in and she has the hand torn off herself, it looked like someone took and knife and tried to fillet her hand, and she had her glasses broken and 2 cuts on her head close to the temple, she couldn't remember what happened, she had another seizure which seems to be happening more and more lately, she had to go to the hospital anyway for her shot and they done her hand up, the cuts on the head didn't look bad so they just cleaned then, well the next day what a shiner she had, oh my then it became this bag of blood under her eye. I can not wait for Oct. so hopefully they can figure out why he medication doesn't seem to be working.
On to the lovely goose. I use the term lovely very loosely... well for the past 4 or 5 weeks we have been going down to the wharf and feeding the ducks, There are a ton of ducks, more then in these pictures.
there is a goose that stays with them, ( in the left hand upper corner of the second picture)he never bothered us before just ate the bread we tossed out along with the ducks. Well yesterday we were there and feeding the ducks, then I hear Toby shout, when I look the freaking goose has him hold by the jacket, my first reaction was to kick the goose, I had to kick him 3 or 4 times before he finally let go. I feel bad for kicking him ( even though I don't think I hurt him) but the Mommy Monster just took over. Something was trying to hurt my son. I just reacted. I love animals, as long as they don't try to harm my child.
I am hoping to keep writing here, if anything interesting happens, which probably won't lol.
Well Toby will be 3 next Sunday so I will probably post about that, I am preparing for his birthday party now, which I have scheduled for the 12th, just trying to prepare what I can now so I don't have a ton of stuff to do the night before. I procrastinate a lot so it would end up the night before.

I am so mad I could spit.

I just heard that bio bitch maybe moving over this way to work this summer, meaning she will be bringing the step sons (not a bad thing) the bad thing is, is that I have a feeling she thinks she will have a free babysitter when she has to go to work. I am sorry for her but I am not taking care of them all the time so she can work. She never wants to let us have them on weekends any more unless she has a party to go to or something that she needs a babysitter for. And if Rod isn't home I am not staying home just to watch them so she can work, and with all the money we send her every month, we can't afford to have them here all the time. Sorry I am just pissed off right now. I can't go to work because we can't afford a babysitter, I don't want to work just to pass over my pay check to a babysitter, I would rather be home with my son then work for nothing.
I don't even know if this is making any sense at all i am just pissed and needed to let it out.
It's summer time soon and that means the circus is coming again, she will probably do what she has done the last 2 years and run away with the circus and leave her kids with her mother. The first year she done this we had no idea where the boys where for like a month. She is such a urgh nevermind.
Better stop here before I type something I will regret.

I am now certified...

Well I am now a certified car seat inspector!!! I am prod of myself for doing this, even though most of the people around me thinks it was a waste of time since I will never get a job doing this or paid for my services. Ah hello that is what volunteering is about.
It was a grueling day when we had the car seat clinic, started at 9:30 am and we didn't get done till like 5:00pm, we had 46 care seat appointments and god only knows how many drop ins we had. I have a very nasty sun burn on my face and neck, including the tops of my ears. I burn so easily I should have worn sunscreen but I haven't bought any for this summer yet.
This is the first time I have gotten a chance to sit down to the computer long enough to type anything since before Sunday. I had a First Aid/ CPR course last night, so I will be certified in that soon too.
Better run, by the smells of it supper is done, home made meatballs( made from scratch) and rice. Yum-o.

Car seat training

Well after 2 days of training I am headed to a car seat clinic today (along with 13 other people) we have learned how to install car seats ( for babies and kids) we have 46 seats booked to do and you have to do at least 6 with another person to become certified, so hopefully when I get back home today I will be a Certified Car Seat Inspector. It is going to be one helluva day that's for sure.
If you are from Canada check out their website...
www.kidsinsafeseats.ca ( I think that is the site I will check and fix it later if it is wrong.)
More to write later when I get home, trying not to type to loud (been told I do that) cause Toby and Rod are still sleeping, wish I was. 7 am is so not a good time for me to be getting up.'
Wish me luck.

This might be long, it might be short, have not decided yet...

Urgh I hate feeling like this, and I have been feeling like this for a long time. By this I mean useless and not needed/wanted.
I wasn't going to post about this but I need to get it off my chest. I have been in such a downer mood lately, I am useless lately, I manage to clean a little, and cook sometimes. But I want to do nothing all day. The only reason I am not in bed all day is because of my little boy. I am trying to force myself to take him to this sort of mommy and me class today, haven't been there in a long time with him, for 2 reasons... 1 the weather has been crap lately with storm after storm, and 2 I have no interest in going anywhere. The furtherest I have went lately is to the store to pick some stuff up that we needed, and that is it. And the only reason for that is cause Rod won't do it. If he would go to the store for me, I wouldn't leave the house.
It is beautiful here today and I know I should take my son outside, cause he would love it so much, but I have a headache of course and the sun will only make that worse, and I have no interest. I would rather sit inside and watch tv or just fiddle around on here.
What is wrong with me URGH!!!!! I hate feeling like this and I don't know what to do to fix it. I probably should go to the Doctor or something but I just don't want to tell her any of this, about how I am feeling, because either she will just blow me off or think I am crazy, or maybe something worse. I take care of my son, he is fed and played with and bathed and everything else, but that is about it. I keep the house reasonable, and I try to cook at least once a day.
I don't have any energy at all, I am not getting to bed till 1 or 1:30am every night, and I can't see how to get Toby to change his sleeping habits/schedule.
I feel like such a failure lately. I haven't been going to this mommy and me thing, because some days (most days) it is too hard to paste on a fake smile and pretend everything is hunky dory. I feel so alone, and I feel so useless. I need to go to the mommy and me thing today I need to for my son, cause if I don't go out in the day neither does he, and I know that can not be good for him. Got to go now, becuase he wants to type now as well.